Welcome to My Path of Self Discovery

We've all seen it before (on movies, or in novels): a teenager facing conflict, role confusion, rebellion, eventually overcoming the conflict and reaching enlightenment....self discovery. My code name is Susanne Dey I wish to blog semi- anonymous, those of you who know me try not to blow my cover mmmm? Those of you who don't know me well it's a pleasure to finally meet you (hehehehe). This blog will consist of daily entries of whatever is in my head, on my heart, or in my fist. I'm a freelance photographer and will include a photo per day. I will not fully explain who I am or what I am born to just yet (not in this post at least) that explanation will come out on it's own little by little. I am looking forward to blogging my daily activities, even if it's just for my eyes, but for those of you reading: welcome to my path to self enlightenment.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

#6 Dimple Piercing Diary..... 2 months and a half.... IMPROVEMENT! still infected though

    It has now been two months and a half since I got my dimples pierced and boy has it been an adventure! I've been cleaning them and making sure I don't bite on them when I eat. I was looking at them in the mirror this morning and it seems like they are finally starting to heal up, I was ecstatic! my "problem piercing" used to be my left side (it was the side that bled during piercing and the one with the god made dimple), but these days it's been my right. Although the white bumps are still there, I am happy to report that they have reduced in size and my face does not feel as tight anymore (knock on wood, knowing my luck I'll probably jinx myself hehehehe). I know most of you that are reading my piercing posts already have them pierced and are looking for someone to relate to, or are researching the subject wondering whether you will make the decision that would esthetically and generally change your life with things such as...


1. first of all, to state the obvious, your face will swell up real bad not to mention you will have sticks coming out of your cheeks for a period of time. you must also understand that your piercings won't be looking the way you pictured, as you are still healing. It will much better at the end result- be patient.


2. THEY ARE A PAIN IN THE ASSS! If you don't plan on sticking to your cleaning routine RELIGIOUSLY (that means no smoking, no drinking, no spicy food, little milk, multi vitamins, and a healthy diet) then you should definitely think twice before paying big bucks for these little suckers and ultimately jeaportizing your face.... jus sayin


3. THEY WILL change your face shape drastically! I don't if its just me and it seems like its common sense but my face swelled up like a balloon the first month, when it finally swelled down it didn't go back to what it was like before. which means I now have to use bronzer on my chin and cheeks to create the illusion of a thin face.


4. Those of you who absolutely cannot leave the house without putting on a thick wall of foundation, blush, highlighter, bronzers and all that jazz (not that there's anything wrong with it i'm guilty of such) don't expect to be following the same beauty routine. When I first got it done I made sure I pierced them during March Break I didn't wear make up for a week. I used to be this cleansing fanatic where I'd cleanse my face, put on masks and stuff but I couldn't do that. My face was a mess I got acne and my skin was flacking off (though I believe it's from the swelling). I couldn't sleep, I fainted the second night because I wasn't eating right and I had very low iron. If you really love these piercings you'll work around the obstacles and find ways to compromise.


5. I say this a lot: If you are only getting these piercings solely for the purpose of getting dimples, please don't. They cost a lot (I spent close to $350 so far), you won't be able to stick to the routine, 4/5 people take them out by their first infection. It's too much of a bother (you have to worry about cleaning, infections, talking too much, laughing too much, smiling too much, not having oral contact with boyfriends and such, bleeding, discoloration, scars, blemishes, cheek swallowing ball etc. etc. etc.) and you won't be as passionate for them to have the patience.


I'm not saying I know everything, I'm just trying to benefit others through my experience so far. I know when I was in my researching phase I wished I had a blog to read about it, that way the information wasn't scattered.


If you have any questions I'll be happy to try to help just get at me
or if your lazy and don't want to/ have a blogspot account send the word by email at eman.h1992@hotmail.com. I will keep posting




Happy Healing


Susanne Dey.


P.S change your pillow sheet weekly and sleep with a ton of pillows :D

Monday, May 16, 2011

#5 Cheek piercing diary.... INFECTED Still No Improvement

The white bumps on my right dimple piercing has gotten bigger. The hole feels tight and is terribly red. It seems like both sides are bruised and hard. Is it scar tissue forming or am I just healing up in a strange way? It's probably an infection. I really don't know and quite frankly I'd rather not spend too much time thinking about the cause- time better spent caring for them and studying. I think there's a bit of an improvement hopefully. I will not give up!  I am prepared to sacrifice my cheeks to amputation. Those of you who are in the same boat as I will truly understand. (hehehehe)




Went wild on paint. Wish my camera will focus enough to see the white bumps, you can only see the discoloration 




Sea Salt, Bactine, and Angry Piercings 


Susanne Dey

Friday, May 13, 2011

#4 Cheek piercing diary.... Infected ouch it hurts it really really hurts

OUCH! My face is on fire and feels tight. I woke up this morning with white pimples all around my piercings so after cleaning it 4 times with chamomile tea and sea salt the bumps seem to fade away but in it's place is a red hard blotch around the hole. It could be one of four things:


#1. I went to an awesome concert screamed and hollered  way too much. the white bump and blotch is a callus
#2.I used this 


I saw my friend using it on her infected nose piecing so I thought I'd try. BIG MISTAKE I woke up the next day (same day as the concert) feeling dry, slept, and woke up with the bumps maybe I burnt them with the cleaner?
#3. drank root beer for first time in two months and ate pizza with hot sauce I heard thats bad
#4. It could be my body rejecting it or migration. As with any other surface piercing-especially those in high traffic areas (cheeks) rejecting and migration is super common.

or it could be a mixture of all of the above. My cheek hurts but I can't take the jewelry out, if my cheeks are infected I wouldn't want to trap the infection in my skin. 


I guess the best I can do is pray... and call my piercer in the morning see what they say.

Not regretting it yet!


Susanne Dey

Thursday, May 5, 2011

ACCEPTED!! and It Feels So Good!

#9- Today I Learned....
That you must take action if you expect great outcomes....


Crazy Carlyle by S.Dey
Today I got my huge letter of acceptance from Carlton University! I cannot believe I got accepted (though I know that they accept about anyone still I feel so special) it seems like my hard work is finally paying off. In my happiness I sent Joshua a message forgetting my vow to forget him! I can't believe he's still the absolute first person I go to- It's like my mind is wired to think that way (It's been six years of this). I got accepted into Psychology, Sociology or Anthropology due to my "outstanding academic percentages" I CAN TAKE MY PICK! ooooo this feels so good! Oh the power hehehehehe! Of course my choice would be Psychology.
I also got a scholarship of $4,000 (1 per year). If I can somehow get my marks up I can get a scholarship of $8,000 -16,000. Oh the AGONY, if I can somehow end my laziness!


I am extremely ecstatic right now!


Advice, Blog readers,  Don't Stop Don't Give Up KEEP TRYING! It might seem complicated now but it'll be all worth while in the near future!




Smilin' Susanne Dey

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

13 Months of Sunshine.

#8- Today I Learned...
That sometimes you just need a break from life.


Brightest Moon of the Year by S.Dey


I woke up this morning and looked around my four walls. I thought of how exhausted and stressed out I am and decided I should take a day off- which meant playing hooky for the day! So I went back to sleep promising myself that "I will try again tomorrow". Today coincidently was the brightest moon of the year so I spent the day baking and cooking ready to throw my family a beautiful Barbecue get together. I strung lights on the Gazebo and hung little paper lanterns along the fence. I also bought my record player down from my room and into the backyard. (highly recommend ELO's Out of the Blue record)  Mmmmmm yum and scented candles! With swift graceful movements and spontaneous planning the party was set for motion. I made corn dogs, Tacos, fries, hot dogs, hamburgers, kabobs,  and feta cheese salad. For dessert I made a New York style cheese cake and Chocolate mousse


really easy and equally yummy Chocolate Mousse recipe I used:




Ingredients:
6 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
5 large egg yolks
2 cups whipping cream, whipped1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 teaspoon instant coffee dissolved in 1 tablespoon hot water
2 Tablespoons rum




Instructions:
1. Melt chocolate in top of a double boiler.
2. Stir rum into whipped cream.
3. Add eggs yolks, coffee, and vanilla to the melted chocolate.
4. Fold chocolate mixture into the whipped cream. Pour into individual dessert glasses. Let set for 2 hours in the refrigerator.



do you have a chocolate addiction? This website is great! http://www.chocolate-addiction.com/index.html

The barbecue was a huge success! my family had a great time watching the stars in the grass covered in blankets (It was a bit chilly) munching on chocolate covered peanuts and dried apricots ( I had to buy 7 packages of both kind due to my insanely huge family 12 and one on the way ) listening to Nat King Cole and The Platters- it was magical. It was a great break from the chaos we all have been feeling lately, especially after the fight yesterday! 

So blog readers if you need an excuse to throw a party, why not throw a elegant back yard party for Mother's day? I highly recommend trying the chocolate mousse IT'S HEAVEN! 

As we laid in the grass listening to the crickets chirp I managed to take some pictures of Mr. Bright Moon...

My advice to you, Blog readers, Is to stop and smell the roses once in a while. I know this has been said time and time before but it's 100% true. This life is moving way to fast, before we notice the day has gone by its night time. Before we even start to enjoy the night life- it's day time... Why don't we live to love, live to laugh, and live to saver each moment of this chaotic life one day at a time.

Chocolate mousse in the sky with diamonds,

Susanne Dey.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hey little Ant... Have High Hopes!



#7 Today I learned.....
That there is a method to madness...


Boy did I have a rough day. school was disgusting, I was suppose to be on the honorary student list for century club but this girl beat me with .30%- it was so embarrassing. I was looking forward to it too, I really worked my ass of this year! My stupid crafts teacher decides to teach us some art history (which never happened before and the series of unit tests will absolutely bring down my mark) and completely screwed us over. I come home broken tired and starving only to be greeted with yet another fight between my mum,aunts and grandma. It was chaotic and gruesome and of course about arranged marriage.


There's this man who has been asking for my aunt for quite some time and my parents are pressuring her into marriage. Even though both my aunts are in love with very nice guys. Of course love is forbidden for my kind. women are taught to be robot cyborgs at a very young age-it's sickening! I feel really bad for them.


A part of me enjoyed hearing them yell and cuss at each other. It seems crazy but I liked it. I wish i can fight for my freedom and future like that, in a way those yells to me were like war cries!


By the time I got them to hush up, five brutal hours had gone by! I still did not unpack my Avon orders!


But there's two things I learned today:


1. Let people fight their own battles and
2. adapt!


I'm feeling really optimistic because although I had a huge amount of failures today, It didn't make a dent in me!


Portrait of a Grinning Skull  by S.Dey

A bit of advice, Be ready to adapt to certain situations. As we all know and might have experienced things seldom go as planned so be ready to take the bull by it's horns and simply go with the flow. Life is an adventure- be prepared to be adventurous in return.


Grinning skulls, High Hopes and Hot Chocolate,




Susanne Dey.

Dimple piercing diary entry #3 Infected where?!??

First off, I promised myself that I would document every thing that happens concerning my dimple piercings (even if its VERY unladylike) so please excuse everything I am about to say. (this may not be for readers with weak stomachs- though it's not too bad). YOU ARE WARNED.....


I woke up this morning with an awful taste in my mouth (It was like something crawled in my mouth and died TWO YEARS AGO!) I am very hygienic and take very good care of my teeth, I take pride in saying I brush three times daily. So when I brushed my teeth and started spitting I noticed that my spit was BLACK. Then it hit me! OH MY GOSH, I haven't been cleaning the inside of my mouth! I'm soo stupid!


Bioplast flat backs the are bent because I bite on them sometimes :S


long story short:


I gargled with warm salt water on the inside of my piercings (I held the water with my cheeks for five minutes)
and did the same with chamomile tea.


so to those of you who are (or thinking) about sharing my adventure with these piercings keep this in mind (though I know that most of you are probably not as stupid as me) 


These piercings are not only temperamental but you must understand that they count as four piercings
2 facial (outside of cheeks) and
2 oral (in mouth)


you follow?


"so as the night the day" you must understand that you need to clean the inside as well as out unless you want to have a nasty infection.


Remember, Piercing pals, that Salt water is YOUR BEST FRIEND. Be loyal and loving to your salt water regime and happy healthy piercings will follow =)


Sincerely yours,


Susanne Dey 


P.S. If you do happen to have an infection in your mouth,

(symptoms being nasty taste discoloured spit/lymph and the feeling of tenderness you might also notice a ring of discolouration near your flat backs)


refrain from eating anything spicy, diary or any kind of carbohydrate liquid (coke, rockstar, flavoured water etc.)

Monday, May 2, 2011

Hamlet was right. The world is weary, stale, flat, and unprofit- able....

#6- Today I learned....
That some things just won't work out no matter how hard you try.
"Stuck in Forever" by S.dey


It just doesn't seem fair to me, all the time and effort I put into things but they never seem to work out. Every time I think that life is starting to take a turn for the better it plummets into a black hole of depression. I'm tired of complaining. I want to be able to be optimistic and be positive.
a wise man once said to me:


"You get what you see in life, if you look at life with a positive mind and over look the small setbacks then you will get an absolutely positive outcome"


Let's be optimistic now shall we?


1. Joshua is nothing more than a piece of scum and starting today I will forget about everything that happened.


2. I will try to be more grateful and forgiving of my parents- I will just shrug everything off from now on. they want to get me married FINE I'm already dead what more can kill me? At this point I just want to GET AWAY and so far this looks like the only way out.


3. I will not take life very seriously from now on- it's obvious that life is a huge joke and we're not going to get the last laugh.


..........not very positive now is it? It's a start though but honestly the only way I can go through my life given the circumstances I am in is to try to win over everything I want. I fought for Joshua. I fought hard and it's not working so far. I can try a whole lot harder but he is not showing me that he is worth fighting for.


Where did our love go? How did we get to where we are now?
I'm a very fickle girl and there has been others but I always end relationships because I miss Joshua- I always come back to him (in a non-rebound way of course) 






It may sound corny but I really don't think that I will ever be with another again. It's hard to think of being with another when you already found your life partner....


I know what you are thinking... that it shouldnt matter if my family doesn't approve of him it's MY life I should decide who I will be with for the rest of days but that, my friends, is easier said than done. I simply cannot shame my family, in front of the community, in front of the extended family but most of all in front of god (the universal god). I'm too selfless I will never end up where I want to be in life, so I might as well go with the flow and see where life takes me- where they will take me. I'm a puppet.


I'm barely keeping my head above water and with every breath I take, every waking moment of my day, my thoughts consist of him. His name is always on my tongue and on my lips. Something tells me that it's a huge waste. That the last six years was a massive waste of my time, that we grew apart, that we're different people with different needs. I can't help but think that we are fine it's just dragging on because of my parent's disapproval. 


A word of advice to all you downers having a rough day out there.... look up to the sky and whisper a little prayer to another soul who, in all honesty, has it far worse than we do. Be grateful for what you have for you never will know when it will be snatched away. BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, even though it may be absolutely nothing on some days. keep your chin up blog buddies and love will prevail.


Your loving blogger,


Susanne Dey

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Cleaning Day...


                                                                        
# 5 Today I Learned.... 
That with all the people I know, I'm still alone in the end...

I'm feeling blue today. I had this major cleaning day, my family went out to the beach (I love the beach...) but I decided to stay and clean out the house to impress my mother. She has been complaining about my brothers and I this past week. I really just wanted her to be happy to say that I am not completely useless after all. I wish i can clean my cluttered mind as easy as doing chores. After they came home she didn't mention anything at all! I know I will never be the girl she wants me to- it's just too much to ask. I can't be put into the "perfect Arab girl" mold. I can't be subservient, I can't hold my tongue I am who I am and that's all I ever will be! Why can't I be normal and have a normal supportive family. I think I have found out why my family is so dysfunctional, my parents are perfectionist and want to fit us all into these "perfect old school Arab girls and boys" image. That simply will not work! I understand that they grew up in a whole other world than what we grew up in but they must understand that we grew up in a whole different country with different beliefs and influences. I wasted the best years of my life trapped in these four walls that are my room- my sanctuary. As all my immigrant blog readers know and probably experienced what I like to call the "Immigrant to next generation cultural clash". I blame my parents for my lack of friends for they don't allow me to simply hang out with other kids my age. 

Geez I sound like such a loser, loner, dweeb. I'm surrounded by great people but at the end of the day I am all alone with just my thoughts and broken memories of my stale childhood and teen years. What makes it a whole lot worse is that i'm living a life of Arabic double standard which believe me is a whole lot worse than the regular western double standard.  It includes things like: guys can go out and live their life- girls are stuck at home to wallow in their own self misery or my favourite guys can build friendships and relationships with the opposite sex while girls will be shameful, shame her family, and becomes a slut if she so speaks to a man (friend or otherwise) 

My advice to all you constricted blog readers out there..... Never let anyone hold you back from what you believe is right for you. Live your life, make mistakes, learn from them, and grow as an overall human. You'll never learn anything by simply having someone telling you whats right and wrong- you have to go out there and experience it for yourself. It just does NOT work to have someone live your life for you.

Some of us just can't... some of us can't risk the shame that will be placed on the whole family if they break free they will live in the shadow of sin and will go on, for the rest of their lives, in metaphorical chains.

Her heart like a bird that can no longer fly
in a cage made of words and I cannot say why
rose-coloured phrases have turned into lies
the longer you're lonely- the longer you die

No use in talkin´ bout words known by heart
The sound drowns in static, the words fall apart
They die in the air or still born and unknown
The seed never lands so our love never grows

Words used to be a way to get through
Words aren´t meaning the way they used to
Think I said that before

Depressed,
Susanne Dey